You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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