You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
