You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
