she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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