I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
