The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My life is pants optional.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
