And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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