morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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