so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
