I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
