Whod you bang
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I understand Curling. That high.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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