why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Randomize
