I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
