wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize