I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize