This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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