Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
