i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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