pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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