I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
