I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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