DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
