vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
this hospital has no fireball
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize