We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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