You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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