He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
