Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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