Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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