cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
