Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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