I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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