I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
