So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
this will be a night to untag.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
