So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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