i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
