ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
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Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
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I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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