Me. At least after what I've been through.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
