i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
