Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
