trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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