I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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