I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
