Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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