Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
