I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
