we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
