Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never drinking with the goths again.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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