tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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