Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
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At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
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The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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