My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Randomize
