So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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