Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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