Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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