Only a mothe r could love this liver
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
