now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
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so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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