So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
