i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
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Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
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She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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