so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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