Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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