Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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